


He's Gonna Get High High High (When He's Low Low Low)

by IMightwing



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marijuana, actual communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 04:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11246787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IMightwing/pseuds/IMightwing
Summary: Jason has a method of managing his anxiety that he tries to keep from the rest of the Bats. Especially when they're the cause of said anxiety.





	He's Gonna Get High High High (When He's Low Low Low)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick content warning: This fic does involve the use of marijuana to manage anxiety. If that's something that bothers you, please don't read.

Jason clambered in through the window and locked it behind him, trying to take deep breaths. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t stop the buzzing at the base of his skull or the tightness in his chest that had been steadily building over the past 24 hours. He quickly stripped his gear and piled it all on the rickety kitchen table, not bothering to put it away, a telling sign of just how out-of-sorts he was feeling. 

Most nights, he would try something else, yoga, a beer, two beers, chain-smoke an entire pack of cigarettes. Problem was, he’d tried those all last night, and nothing had worked. So tonight, he’d left patrol early and decided to go straight for the one thing left that might actually fucking calm him down. They were buried in the freezer, under the popsicles he kept around for Lian, sad-tasting frozen pizza, and the definitely not sad-tasting frozen food Alfred had made him bring home with him the last time he had visited the manor. He plucked the Ziploc bag from the freezer and studied the contents.

He was getting low. Despite his former identity as a Gotham drug lord, Jason wasn't overly fond of drugs himself. He'd seen firsthand the absolute horror they could do, the way they could ruin a person and tear families apart. But unfortunately for Jason's moral code, sometimes the only thing that would keep the anxiety that had plagued him as a child (that had only been worsened by his dip in the Lazarus pit) was weed. He couldn't smoke it. There were too many memories of his childhood tied up in that smell. But one of the “special” brownies made by a woman in his building who made them for her mom undergoing chemo (Jason always got her the weed and made sure it was safe and good quality, he only asked for a handful of the brownies after she’d made them)... Jason hated that nothing else seemed to quiet the itching at the base of his skull. 

He sighed and gritted his teeth as he pulled a brownie from the bag and ate it, trying not to let the taste hit his tongue. The rest of the brownies were unceremoniously tossed back in the freezer while Jason looked around the apartment, needing to do something to distract himself before the drug kicked in. He gathered up his equipment from where he'd thrown it and went to put it all away before looking at the clock, deciding if there was time to go grab a quick shower. 

Jason did not particularly enjoy being high. Or drunk, for that matter. But sometimes the need to forget overtook the need for control. Every member of their messed up little family had their share of control issues, though some were more obvious about it than others. Jason liked being in control of whatever situation he was in. It took a massive amount of trust for him to allow himself to let someone else take control away from him. He'd gotten to the point with Roy and Kori where vulnerability hadn’t been scary, where control had been willingly shared between the three of them, but Jason didn't have them anymore. Thinking of Roy and Kori always filled Jason with a sense of warmth and safety. He’d thought that maybe he’d have a chance for that warmth again, but per usual the fates had it in for Jason Todd. Instead, he had a cold apartment, a hidden bag of illegal brownies, and no one to catch him if he fell.

But those were the kinds of thoughts Jason was trying to get rid of tonight. He got out of the shower, dressed himself in an old shirt and sweats, and went to veg in front of the tv. Jason idly wished he'd ordered some food, or at least been better about going grocery shopping this week for when the inevitable munchies hit. Binging Food Network probably wasn't going to help with that either, but that was Jason's go-to, and old habits die hard.

He was already a full episode into Cupcake Wars when Dick crawled in through the same window that Jason had forgotten to lock in his hurry earlier. 

"Jay? Are you here?" Dick squinted into the dark apartment. Jason hadn't bothered turning on lights when he'd been planning on falling asleep in front of the TV. 

"Over here," Jason called from his spot on the couch, too comfortable and languid to do anything else. 

Dick walked over to him and knelt down in front of the couch, peeling his domino off as he walked. "Are you okay? You seemed kind of out of it earlier, and I just wanted to check--" He cut himself off as he got a good look at Jason's face in the light from the TV. "Jason," He said, his tone suddenly controlled and deadly serious. "I need you to be honest with me. Did you take something?" He gave Jason a hard look.

Jason rolled his eyes and avoided Dick’s gaze by staring at the TV. "Fuck off, Dick."

"Jason, I mean it. You're high right now, I can see. What I want to know is what did you take?" He asked archly, his consonants deadly crisp. 

"Jesus Christ, Dickface. You're harshing my mellow," Jason responded, sarcastically. "Weed. Just a little weed, golden boy. Last time I checked, no one ever OD'd on it. So you're more than free to just fuck off and leave me alone." Jason was only half kidding. He'd finally started to feel better, finally calm for the first time in 48 hours, and Dick was seriously starting to irritate him.

"Weed? Since when is that a thing with you?" Dick asked. "What happened to just getting drunk?"

"Dick. I mean it." Jason swung his legs off the couch into Dick’s personal space and stared down at him. "I'm an adult. It is none of your business what I do. I don’t have a drug problem, and it doesn’t interfere with the family business, so you can tell Bruce there's no need for concern about that. Now get. The fuck. Out." He turned the full force of his glare onto Dick.

Dick didn't move. "I just don't understand. It’s not like you."

"Hate to break it to you, but you don't always get to understand everything. God, do you do this with everyone you fuck? You stick your dick in them once and suddenly you think you know everything about them?" Jason was standing, but he didn't remember getting up. He could feel the tightness in his throat and the prickling behind his eyes. He sat back down and resolutely turned his head away from Dick. He'd finally been feeling better, fuck.

"Jay, I..." Dick sighed. He carefully moved from the floor and sat down on the couch next to Jason. "Okay, I handled this badly. Let me explain. You were out of it on patrol earlier, and then I come back here and you're high. I've been down this road before, and it almost took one of the dearest people in my life from me. I can't do that again." He gently pushed Jason's hair back from his forehead and stroked through the rest of Jason's hair. "You scared me, that's all."

Jason swallowed down his guilt. He knew all too well that particular ghost that haunted Dick, having seen it firsthand himself too many times. "I don't do it to for the thrill or just to get high. Sometimes..." He took a deep breath. "Sometimes it's the only thing that helps. The pit messed me up. Pretty badly. Not that I wasn't already pretty fucked in the head, thank you my childhood, but the pit definitely didn't help. Sometimes I just need it all to stop for a few hours." He looked at Dick, who had the slightly stricken expression he always got when Jason mentioned anything to do with his death or resurrection. 

"I didn't know." Dick said quietly.

Jason laughed joylessly. "Yeah, well, it's not something I go around advertising. Hear ye, hear ye, the big bad Red Hood is actually riddled with anxiety and likes to get high and watch Cupcake Wars to make it all go away for a few hours."

"I’m afraid that I had something to do with this. If I did, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, Jay." Dick tangled his fingers into Jason's hair again.

Jason was attempting to pretend that being high didn't turn him into an overly tactile kitten and failing spectacularly. "Not everything's about you, Dick. Geez." He sat in silence for a few moments enjoying the scratch of fingernails against his skull before resting his head on Dick’s shoulder. "You weren't there. When I woke up. You weren't there." He chanced a glance up at Dick's face only to find that the stricken expression was back.

"Jason, I'm so sorry, I had a Titans meeting and I woke up late. I meant to leave a note but I sped out of here so quickly, I forgot. By the time I realized, it had been hours. I came back afterwards and you weren’t here. I figured you didn’t want to see me. I should have called you.” Then, knowing exactly what Jason needed to hear: “But I don't regret it. Not a second of it."

Jason knew he looked vulnerable, but he did always have issues keeping his emotions hidden while high. "You mean that?" He asked, sounding gruffer than he'd intended. 

Dick just smiled and Jason knew Dick had seen right through his act. "I do. I was hoping to make it up to you tonight, but I'm more than content to cuddle and watch silly TV with you. We have time, Jaybird. I'm not going to do that again."

Jason felt himself smiling back at Dick. For the first time since he'd woken up to an empty bed, things actually did finally feel okay.

"You want to borrow something to wear? Since you said you're staying the night and all. As much as I love how your ass looks in that uniform, it can’t be comfortable."

Dick laughed. "That'd be nice. After I change, how about I order us some food? I'm starving, and I'd bet you could stand to eat, too." He replied, smirking.

"Oh, fuck you for reminding me about food, god dammit." Jason grabbed Dick's wrist and dragged him into the bedroom. He threw an extra shirt and sweats at him. "Just for that, you're buying. And we're getting pizza. And garlic knots." As he turned away to let Dick change, he felt himself being pulled back. 

"Whatever you say, dear." Dick laughed and pulled Jason in for a sweet kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: the working title for this fic was "Smoke Weed (I'm Gay)." Actual title taken from Misery by Green Day.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'm graysonning over on tumblr right [here.](http://graysonning.tumblr.com)


End file.
